Let me ask you something. Who told you that because you have something, you're supposed to be satisfied with it? Who told you that? Because you have a job, you can't want a better one. Because you're in a relationship, you can't acknowledge that something is missing from you. Because you have a roof over your head, you can't admit that you're struggling. And who told you that wanting more out of life makes you ungrateful? Because I need us to talk about that. Somewhere down the line, somewhere, people started confusing gratitude with settling. And some of y'all have been convincing yourselves that you're happy with situations that you don't even like because you feel guilty, admitting that you want something different. Now, don't misunderstand me. I am all for gratitude. I believe in recognizing your blessings, but I also believe that you can appreciate what you have and acknowledge that something needs to change. Being grateful doesn't mean you have to stop growing, and being thankful doesn't mean you have to pretend that you're satisfied. So today we're talking about gratitude, guilt, self-worth, and why some of you have gotten a little too comfortable accepting less than what you actually want. Better yet, actually, what you actually deserve. Because baby saying stuck ain't cute, and we don't talk about it. Hey y'all, welcome back to another episode of the Quietest Kept Podcast. I am your host, Shanti Boswell, your master certified mental health curve coach, also known as Journal Bay, and the woman who is going to ask you some questions today that you might not want to answer. But that's okay. We're going to talk about them anyway. Now, if you are new here, welcome. Around here, we talk about mental health, healing, self-awareness, boundaries, personal growth, and all those things people sometimes don't want to talk about because it can get tough. And we're going to have those conversations without pretending we've got everything figured out because none of us do. Now, listen, we're in November. Thanksgiving is coming up. Everybody's about to start talking about being grateful, counting blessings, appreciating what they have and all of that, and that's cool. There's absolutely nothing wrong with gratitude. But I'm going to have a different conversation today because sometimes people use gratitude to convince themselves that they shouldn't want anything more. And sometimes other people use it to shut down conversations about what needs to change? You ever told somebody you were unhappy with something, and the first thing they said was, Well, at least you have a job. Thank God you have a job, or at least you have somebody, at least you have somewhere to live. Okay. And does somebody else having at worse automatically mean I'm supposed to be happy with what's happening in my life? Does having a job mean I can't be unhappy at work? Does being in a relationship mean I can't want better communication? Does having a home mean I can't be stressed out about my finances? Hell no! Two things can be true at the same time, and I need y'all to understand that. And that's where I want to start today. I need y'all to get comfortable with this idea. Two things can be true at the same time. You can love your family and also need space from them. You can appreciate your job and know it's time to pursue something different. You can be grateful for your accomplishments and still have goals that you haven't yet reached. You can appreciate the life you built and recognize that you've outgrown certain parts of it. None of that automatically makes you ungrateful. It makes you somebody who's paying attention to your life. And I think we need to stop treating gratitude like it's supposed to cancel out every other emotion that we have because it doesn't. You can be grateful and disappointed, you can be grateful and exhausted, you can be grateful and frustrated, you can be grateful and uncertain. And yes, grateful and ready for change. Now, here is where I want to challenge you. When was the last time you were honest with yourself about something you wanted to change? Not what everybody else thinks you should want, not what looks good on paper, not what you think you're supposed to be satisfied with. What do you want? Because some of y'all have gotten so used to telling yourselves, I should just be grateful that you stop asking whether you're actually happy. And I want you to think about that today. Are you practicing gratitude or are you just using gratitude to avoid making a decision? Because those are not the same things, honey, Benny. Now I want to go a little deeper. Where did you learn that wanting more was a bad thing? Because most of us didn't wake up one morning and believe in it. Somewhere, somebody taught us something about what we should accept. Maybe you grew up here hearing, be thankful for what you got. Don't complain. Somebody else would love to be in your position. Stop asking for so much. And listen, those messages aren't always coming from a bad place. Sometimes people are trying to teach appreciation. Sometimes they're speaking from their own experiences. Sometimes they grow up with very little and want you to recognize what you have. And I get that. But here's what can happen: you grow up, you become an adult. And now every time you want something different, you start feeling guilty about it. You want to change careers, but you tell yourself that you should be grateful you have a job because somebody out there can't find one. You want to go back to school, but then you tell yourself you're too old to go to school. You want to start a business, but you convince yourself that you're asking for too much. You want more time for yourself, but you feel selfish. And before you know it, you're living a life where everybody else's expectations have more influence than your own desires. Now, let me ask you something. When did wanting a better life become something you needed permission for? And I'm being very serious when I ask that. Who are you waiting on? And what exactly are you waiting for them to say? Because I can tell you right now, everybody is not going to understand the changes that you want to make. Some people are going to question you, some people are going to tell you to leave well enough alone, and some people are going to remind you out of everything that could go wrong. But at some point, you have to decide whether you're going to keep living according to somebody else's comfort level. And I need you to understand something. Waiting, wanting more, doesn't always mean wanting more money. It's not always about money. Sometimes you want more peace, more time, more freedom, more meaningful relationships, more opportunities, more confidence, or simply more enjoyment out of your everyday life. And there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that. Now, this is where the conversation might get a little uncomfortable because I want to talk about the difference between being content and being comfortable. And before somebody gets upset, let me go ahead and say this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being content. You don't have to constantly chase the next thing, you don't have to turn every hobby into a business. You don't have to make six figures, you don't have to keep accomplishing things just to prove you're successful. Sometimes you're genuinely happy with your life. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the person who knows something needs to change but keeps finding reasons not to address it. I'm talking to the person who complains about the same situation every week, but never explores other options as if they don't have any. The person who keeps saying, Oh, one day I'm gonna do this or do that, one day I'm gonna start a business, one day I'm going back to school, one day I might take that trip, or one day I'm gonna start putting myself first. Okay, when is one day gonna happen? Because last time I checked, one day is not on the calendar, and I'm not saying that you need to make a major life decision tomorrow. Sometimes situations require planning, some require financial preparation, I get it, and some require support, some require you to recognize that your circumstances aren't entirely within your control. I get it, I understand, but there is a difference between preparing for change and repeatedly talking yourself out of it. So here's my question: Are you staying where you are because you're genuinely satisfied or because change feels uncomfortable? Think about that question, but don't rush to answer. Sit with that because sometimes the truth is that we know what we want, but we're afraid of what it might require. Now, can we talk about this? This somebody has a worse mentality, and if you're listening, I'm pretty sure that somebody has said that to you, or you probably said it to something somebody else. I hear it all the time. Somebody says they're struggling, and I am and immediately somebody else wants to remind them that another person is struggling more. I am all for perspective. Perspective actually matters, but somebody else's hardship doesn't automatically make your experience insignificant. If you are overwhelmed, you're overwhelmed. If you're unhappy, you're unhappy. If you are exhausted, you're exhausted. You do not have to win some imaginary competition for who has the hardest life before you are allowed to acknowledge your feelings. And here's something else: just because you have things other people want doesn't mean those things are meeting all of your needs. Hello, somebody. Somebody might look at your career and think you have the perfect job, but they don't know how stressed you are. Somebody may look at your family and think you have the perfect life, but they just don't know what you're navigating behind closed doors. Somebody might look at your accomplishments and assume that you're happy, but accomplishments don't automatically equal fulfillment, and that's why I encourage people to stop comparing their lives to what they see other people experiencing because you don't have the full picture, you only see what's in front of you. And here is where self-awareness comes in. Instead of asking whether somebody else has it worse, ask yourself what is this feeling trying to tell me? Am I overwhelmed because I need rest? Am I frustrated because something needs to change? Am I dissatisfied because I've outgrown a goal? Am I lonely because I need more meaningful connections? Or am I feeling pressured to achieve something I don't actually want? Those are the questions that's worth exploring. Not whether somebody else has more or less than you. That don't matter what somebody else has. Your life is your life, and you don't need to compare it to what somebody does or doesn't have. Now, we talked about gratitude, we talked about guilt, we talked about wanting more, but y'all know I'm not about to let you leave here without talking about responsibility. Recognizing that you want something different is important. But what happens after you recognize it? Are you making a plan? Are you asking questions? Are you getting support? Are you exploring your options? Or are you just having the same conversation with yourself every six months? And listen, I'm not saying that to make anybody feel bad. That's not my goal. I'm saying it because sometimes we need to examine whether our actions are supporting the life that we say we want. You say you want more peace. Okay, what are you gonna do to create more peace where you have control? You say you want better boundaries, okay. Where do you need to start practicing them? You say you want more confidence, all right. What is one decision that you can make that demonstrates you're beginning to trust yourself? You say you want to prioritize your mental health, okay. What does that actually look like in your daily life? Because personal growth isn't just something we talk about, it's something we practice every day. And sometimes the first step is not dramatic, sometimes it's making that appointment, researching that program, or having an honest conversation. Sometimes it's setting aside a little money, and sometimes it's saying no. Sometimes it's admitting that you need help figuring out where to begin. Which brings me to something that I want to talk about. Now, if you've been listening to this episode and you find yourself saying, Shanti, damn, you're talking directly to me. I want you to especially pay attention to this part because sometimes we know we're already ready for something different, but we don't know what that next step should be. We have the ideas, we have the goals, we have the things that we want to work on, but everything feels so overwhelming that we don't know where to start, and that's one of the reasons I do the work that I do through Boswell Coaching and Consulting. I work with people who want to develop greater self-awareness, strengthen their boundaries, rebuild their confidence, and become more intentional about the decisions that they're making. And let me tell you something coaching isn't about me sitting across from you telling you how to live your life. I do not do that. It's about having somebody who can ask you the questions that you might not be asking yourself, somebody who can help you identify patterns, clarify your goals, explore your options, and develop practical steps toward the changes that you want to make for yourself. Because sometimes you don't need another motivational quote, you need an actual plan, you need accountability. So if you're tired of saying that you're going to make these changes but don't know where to start, I want to invite you to go visit my website, shantib.com, and explore my one-on-one coaching services. You can start by booking a clarity call so we can talk about what you're looking for and whether coaching is a good fit. Now, I want you to understand something. You don't have to wait until your life is falling apart to ask for support. Sometimes you just need help figuring out what comes next, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Now, before we get into our journal prompts, I want to bring this conversation back to something important. Gratitude should not require you to abandon yourself. You shouldn't have to ignore your feelings to prove that you are thankful. You shouldn't have to pretend that you're happy to make somebody else comfortable. And you damn sure shouldn't have to convince yourself that wanting something different makes you selfish. But I also want to challenge you not to confuse every uncomfortable moment with a sign that you need to leave something behind. Sometimes growth requires patience, sometimes relationships require difficult conversations, heavy emphasis on difficult. Sometimes goals require you to be consistent, and sometimes you need to work through a temporary challenge rather than walk away from something that is mean. Because the question isn't always, should I stay or should I go? Sometimes the question can be, what needs to change? What am I willing to work on? What is within my control? What support do I need? And what am I no longer willing to ignore? Those are the kind of questions that can help you make decisions with intention instead of acting out of guilt, fear, or frustration. And I want that for you. I want you to have a life you don't constantly feel like you need to escape from. That is not a perfect life. There's no such thing as a perfect life. Not a life without challenges. We're all going to have challenges. But a life where you're actively participating in your own well-being, where you recognize your needs, where you acknowledge your accomplishments, and where you give yourself permission to keep growing. Because you can be thankful for how far you've come without deciding that this is as far as you're allowed to go. All right. It's time for your journal bait check-in, and you already know how we do this. Get your journal if you ain't don't have it already. Get somewhere comfortable and give yourself a few minutes to be honest. Not with me, but with yourself. So here are five journal prompts for this week. Ready? Number one, where in my life have I been telling myself to just be grateful instead of acknowledging that something needs to change? Number two, what is something I genuinely want for myself that I've been afraid to admit or pursue? Number three, am I content with my current circumstances or have I become comfortable because change feels intimidating? Number four, what beliefs about gratitude, success, or wanting more have influenced the decisions I've made? Number five, what is one realistic step I can take this week toward a life that feels more aligned with what I actually want. Now, don't just write these down and close your journal. Go back and read your answers. Pay attention to what comes up. And if you notice you're struggling to identify what you want, that might be a good place to begin. You don't have to figure out everything in one sitting, but you do need to start being honest with yourself. Now, before I go, I want to leave you with this. You can appreciate the life you have and still want to make changes. You can be thankful for the opportunities you've received and still pursue new ones. You can acknowledge how far you've come and recognize that you have more growing to do, and you can be grateful without pretending that everything is exactly how you want it to be. Because gratitude and growth are not enemies, they can't exist together. But I want you to stop using gratitude as a reason to ignore your own needs, and I want you to stop allowing somebody else's definition of a good life to determine what you're supposed to be satisfied with. That's not for them to decide, and it's not for them to decide. Did I say that twice? Yeah, it's not for them to decide, and it's not for them to decide. Your life is yours, and you only get one, and you have a responsibility to yourself to pay attention to how you are living your life. Now, if today's conversation made you realize that you've been feeling stuck or overwhelmed or unsure about your next step, I want you to know that you don't have to do the work alone because it's very hard. I do offer one-on-one mental health coaching through Boswell Coaching and Consulting. We can work on self-awareness, boundaries, personal growth, and creating a practical plan for the changes that you want to make. Go to my website, shantb.com and learn more and book that clarity card. And if you're not ready for coaching, that's okay too. Start with those journal prompts I gave you. Share this episode with somebody who needs the reminder. Make one intentional decision this week that supports the life you want. Because at the end of the day, being grateful doesn't mean you have to settle. I'm Sean T B, your mental health coach, journal bay, and the host of the Quietest Cat Podcast. Thank you for spending this time with me. And until next time, keep growing, keep choosing yourself, and remember staying stuck in keeping.