Let me fuck your head up real quick. What if you don't actually want them? What if you just wanted them to want you? Let me say that shit again because I don't think you heard me. What if you don't actually want them? You just want them to want you. Because those are two completely different things. What if you're not fighting for the relationship? What if you're fighting for validation? What if you're not devastated because they're such an amazing person? What if you're devastated because they didn't choose you? What if you're not trying to get your ex back because that's the love of your life? What if you want your ex back because you cannot stand the fact that they were able to walk away from you? What if you're not obsessed with the unavailable person because they're special? What if their unavailability turned them into a challenge? And somewhere in your mind you decided if I can make this person choose me, then that proves I'm worthy. See, we don't like that kind of conversation because we rather call it love. We have this connection. I never felt like this before. It's complicated. Oh, they just scared. They've been through a lot. They don't know how to love. They said they're not ready right now. I know they love me. But do they? Or have you created an entire relationship around potential? Because quiet is kept. Some of us weren't looking for love. We were looking for evidence. Evidence that we were pretty enough, good enough, sexy enough, helpful enough, patient enough, understanding enough, special enough for somebody to finally say, I choose you. And today we're going to talk about it. Welcome back to the Quietest Kept Podcast. I'm Shanti B, your master certified mental health coach, author, speaker, speaker, and your journal bay. And if you've been with me for the first two episodes of season three, you already know we ain't bullshitting in this season. Episode one, I asked, Who would you be if nobody hurt you? The second episode, I asked, How much is the younger version of you still making grown-ass decisions? And now this episode is taking us straight into relationships. Because once you understand what happened to you and you understand how it shaped you, you have to start looking at what you've been choosing from that place. And sometimes we've chosen people because we wanted love. Other times we chose people because we desperately wanted to feel chosen. Those things aren't the same, baby. So grab your journal, get comfortable. And as always, remember this podcast is for education, reflection, and personal growth. It is not therapy, diagnosis, or replacement for professional mental health treatment. Now let's get into this shit. Now, one of the things that I can see very clearly looking back at my life is how badly I wanted to be liked. You know, I wrote in my book, Quiet is Kept. I said that in middle school, I wanted people to like me so much that I would do what people wanted me to do. I gave them what they wanted and not fully be myself because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. And I also wrote something very important. I wasn't taught self-respect, self-love, self-worth, self-esteem. I learned that shit the hard way. Now, think about that combination. You desperately want to belong, but nobody taught you how to belong to yourself first. That is so dangerous. Because if I don't know my value, then I need you to tell me. If I don't know I'm lovable, then I need you to prove it. If I don't know I'm enough, then being chosen becomes that evidence. And now relationships aren't just relationships, they're verdicts. If you choose me, I'm worthy. If you reject me, then something must be wrong with me. If you stay, yeah, I'm lovable. But if you leave, I'm not enough. Baby, that is too much power to give another human being. Nobody should get to hold the gavel over your identity like that. So let me define what I'm talking about. Wanting love sounds like I want mutual care, connection, safety, reciprocity, honesty, intimacy, respect, consistency, partnership. Wanting to be chosen sounds like I need this particular person to pick me. Even if they don't treat me well, even if we're incompatible, even if I can't trust them, even if they keep hurting me, even if I'm the one doing all the work, even if I am miserable, even if they're emotionally unavailable, even if they have clearly told me they're not ready, even if they have shown me repeatedly that they cannot meet my needs, I still want them. Why? That's the question. What do you believe their choosing you will prove? Because sometimes you're looking at the person saying, I love you, but underneath that, your wound is saying, Please validate me. Huh? Okay, so let's talk about rejection. Have you ever been rejected and immediately started audition auditing yourself? Was it my weight, my age, my personality? Was I too needy? Was I too independent? Too loud? I'm like, that was too quiet. Did I text them too much? Or did I not text enough? Was I too available? Did I have sex with them too soon? Did I wait too long to have sex with them? Did they meet somebody prettier? And then you become a damn detective and you're investigating yourself. Why? Because somehow their decision became evidence about your worth. But rejection does not always mean that you're deficient. Sometimes rejection means that we're incompatible. They don't want the same thing as you, they aren't emotionally available. The timing's wrong. They're attached to something else or attracted to something else. They have their own issues, they simply do not want the relationship. And yet, sometimes people just don't damn like you. I know. Damn, but that is life. You don't like everybody either. Am I wrong? The freedom comes when somebody's inability or unwillingness to choose you stops automatically becoming something is wrong with me. Because that ain't nothing wrong with you. Did you know why rejection hits so hard? If rejection feels almost physically painful sometimes, you know I got that research behind why people describe it that way. A classic brain imaging study published in Science found that social exclusion engaged brain regions involved in the distress component of physical pain. The researchers weren't saying a breakup and a broken bone are literally identical experiences, but the findings helped establish that social rejection can recruit some of the same neural systems associated with pain and distress. A later study involving people who had recently experienced an unwanted breakup also found overlap between intense social rejection and neural systems involved in physical pain. So when somebody says, My heart hurts, that's a reason emotional rejection can feel so visceral. But here's what we have to here's where we have to stay grown. Something hurting badly does not automatically mean it belongs in your life. If I hurt this much losing them, they must have been my person. Bull, no, pain measures pain, and that is it. Sometimes losing a toxic relationship hurts. Ask me how I know. Sometimes losing somebody unavailable hurts. Sometimes being rejected by somebody who wasn't even good for you hurts. Sometimes your ego hurts. Sometimes your abandonment wounds hurt. Sometimes your fantasy hurts. Sometimes you're grieving what you thought it could become. Pain does not automatically prove compatibility. Now, can we talk about chasing for a second? Some of y'all only want people once they start backing away. When they are available, when they call consistently, you say they're boring. When they communicate, you get suspicious. When they make their intentions very clear, here you go with I don't know, something is missing. But let them stop texting. Oh, now we're interested. Let them become emotional and unavailable. Now we checking our phone every two seconds. Let them say, I'm not looking for anything serious. Now you didn't create a whole five-year plan for the both of you. Girl, what are we doing? Sometimes the chase produces intensity, and we misinterpret intensity as intimacy. Those are not the same things. Intimacy says, I know you. Intensity says, I can't stop thinking about you. You can be obsessed with somebody you barely know. Hell, y'all obsessed with a bunch of celebrities who don't even know you exist. You can have incredible chemistry with somebody who is terrible for you. You can have butterflies around somebody who triggers every insecurity you have. You can want somebody desperately and still be fundamentally incompatible. And that's why grown love requires more than feelings. Now, here's where it gets interesting. Why are emotionally unavailable people so appealing to some of us? Because sometimes unavailable love feels familiar. If you grew up having to work for attention, then working for affection may not feel abnormal to you. If love was inconsistent, consistency may not immediately register as exciting. If somebody important in your childhood was physically present but emotionally unavailable, you may become skilled at trying to extract love from unavailable people. You're like, I know how to do this. Let me be patient, let me be understanding, let me prove I'm safe, let me show them I'm different. Let me love them through it. Let me give them time. Let me make myself indispensable. And six years later, sis, you are exhausted because you thought loving somebody harder would make them capable of loving you better. Baby, you cannot love somebody into emotional capacity. Their healing is their responsibility. Now, you can support somebody, you can encourage them, you can love them, give them opportunities, but you cannot do their work for them, just like they can't do your work for you. So a large 2026 meta-analysis pulled together 1,304 effect sizes from 228 independent samples across 211 studies representing 82,376 participants. Remember those numbers now. The researchers found that childhood maltreatment was significantly associated with greater adult attachment anxiety and greater attachment avoidance. The associations weren't destiny and weren't enormous, but they were consistent enough across a very large body of research to matter. Why am I telling you that? Because your relationship patterns didn't necessarily appear from thin air. The way you learn closeness, availability, trust, safety, and rejection may influence what happens when you love as an adult. But remember what we've said all season explanation is not a life sentence. Attachment language is not, well, I'm anxiously attached, so I guess I'll chase people forever. Hell no, we're not doing that. It just gives you a pattern to work with, not a personality disorder to put into your Instagram bio. Now, there's also something researchers call rejection sensitivity. At a basic level, it involves being especially likely to expect, notice, or strongly react to rejection. Because nobody likes rejection. Right? A 2024 meta-analysis synthesized 16 studies, including 500, 335 participants, and found childhood analysis, emotional abuse, showed a stronger association than physical abuse. Think about how that could play out. Your partner gets quiet, you hear rejection. They need space, you hear rejection. They don't respond as warmly as usual, rejection. They disagree, rejection. They spend time with somebody else, rejection. Somebody doesn't invite you, rejection. And now you're reacting not only to what happened today, but to every other time you felt unwanted. That can make relationships exhausting for you and the person you're with. And again, not every reaction to rejection is pathology. Nobody likes rejection, right? But if every small sign of distance sends you into emotional panic, that part there is worth you getting curious about. Now, some people don't even like the person they're chasing. They just like winning. Hear me. They're desirable, everybody wants them, they're emotionally unavailable, they're successful, they're popular, they fine as all hell, they're married, they're already attached, they're hard to get, whatever the case may be. And somewhere inside you decide if they pick me, then that says something about me. Now this person becomes a trophy, and you have the nerve to call it love. No, baby. More times than not, that's ego. And ego can be loud as hell. And there's nothing wrong with admitting I didn't want the relationship as much as I wanted the validation. That's growth, that's insight. Because the minute you recognize that, you can stop begging a person to answer a question they were never qualified to answer, which is, am I worthy? Nobody gets to tell you if you're worthy or not. Only you can do that. Now there's a painful connection in my own story that fits right here. In the book, I talk about being very young and being told by a boy that having sex is how you show somebody you love them. In other words, if you love me, prove it. And I was 12 at the time. I believed that because I didn't know any better. I hadn't been properly taught what healthy romantic love looked like. I was a child trying to understand love through whatever information was available to me. And that's why I don't look back at younger Shanti simply calling her young and dumb and full of cump. I understand the context now. Because if love and proof become connected early, that shit can follow you. Prove your love to me, give me something, sacrifice something, stay through something, endure something, have sex with me, loan me money, forgive me again. Choose me over yourself. Oh Lord. And we need to stop calling suffering proof of love. Healthy love doesn't constantly require you to betray yourself to demonstrate loyalty. Let me give you one of the clearest signs that you may be invested in being chosen than being loved. You keep abandoning yourself so they won't abandon you. You don't say what bothers you because they might leave. You don't enforce that boundary because they might leave. You accept that disrespect because they might leave if you don't. You tolerate inconsistency because they might leave. You agree with things you don't agree with, you participate in things you don't want to participate in. You keep forgiving behavior that is not changing. You ignore your intuition, you ignore your needs, you silence yourself, shrink yourself, exhaust yourself, and call it compromising. No, baby, compromise is we both adjust. Self-abandonment is I disappear, so you will stay. And that's different. And if a relationship requires you to lose yourself in order to keep it, you didn't win, even if they did choose you. So here's your hard truth for the week. Being chosen by somebody who doesn't know how to love you is not a prize. I need you to write that shit down. I'm gonna say it again. Being chosen by somebody who doesn't choose that I'm biting my tongue trying to say it so fast. Let me slow down. Being chosen by somebody who doesn't know how to love you is not a prize. Some of us are celebrating winning people we should have never entered the competition for. You got them. Congratulations. Now what? You got the emotional unavailable person, and they still emotionally unavailable. You convinced them to stay, and you still lonely. You got that commitment, and you still don't feel secure. Oh, baby, you got the ring flashing it around, and you still don't feel valued. You got the title, girlfriend, fiance, wife, and you still begging for basic communication. So, what exactly did you win? That's the question. Because being selected is not the same as being safe, being desired is not the same as being respected, being wanted is not the same as being valued, being pursued is not the same as being compatible, being married is not automatically the same as being loved well. Don't let those titles fool you. Look at the relationship for what it is. So here's what I want you to understand: a relationship cannot permanently repair a belief that says, I'm not enough. Because even when they do choose you, the insecurity will find another question. Okay, they chose me, but do they still want me? They love me, but do they but do they love somebody else more? They say I'm beautiful, but what about her? They committed, but will they stay? And now you're looking for reassurance constantly because the relationship was never the root issue. Your self-worth was. You were asking another person to provide something externally that never stabilized internally, and nobody can reassure you enough to permanently fix a belief you're committed to rehearsing. At some point, you have to participate in your own healing, babe. Now, later, in quiet is kept, I wrote about another period in my life when relationship problems had me questioning myself again. There was conflict, there had been cheating in previous relationships, other relationships in my life were strained, and I wrote that my self-esteem was getting lower, and I started feeling like maybe I didn't deserve a healthy, loving relationship. I really believe that. But look at that belief underneath that. Not the relationship isn't healthy, but maybe I don't deserve healthy love, and those are two different things, and that's why we have to be careful about what repeated experiences teach us because after enough hurt, you might. Stop asking why do I keep accepting unhealthy relationships? And then you start deciding maybe healthy relationships aren't for people like me. No, ma'am, we ain't doing that. A history of unhealthy love does not mean you're only qualified for unhealthy love. But you may have to learn what healthy love looks like. And sometimes healthy love feels strange when your nervous system has spent years learning chaos. Here's another one. Attention is not intention. Somebody texting you every day doesn't automatically mean they want a relationship. Having sex with you doesn't mean commitment, sis. Taking you to dinner isn't commitment. Calling you beautiful isn't commitment. Missing you isn't commitment. Being jealous isn't commitment. Checking your social media isn't commitment. Coming back isn't commitment. Somebody can keep coming back because you are familiar, you're convenient, you're emotionally available, you're sexually available, you're financially helpful, you're comforting or easy to access. And none of those automatically mean that they have the intention or capacity to build a healthy relationship with you. Listen to what people actually tell you. Watch what they consistently do. And stop turning bread crumbs into wedding cake. Because all you're getting is crumbs. And if you receive enough crumbs, you're gonna turn it into a cake, baby. You deserve the whole cake up front. So stop settling for crumbs. Potential has wasted years of people's lives, including mine. But I know who they could be. Okay. Are you dating them? Or their resume from the future? Which one? You're dating them now, or what you see that could be in the future? Because I don't want a relationship with somebody's potential. I've been there and done that, won't ever do it again. I need to deal with the person standing in front of me today, right now, not when they heal, when they grow up, when they get serious, when the when their divorce is final. Child, hold your breath on that one. Not when they get financially stable, when they're ready, when they get their kids together, or when their kids get older, when work slows down, when they stop being scared. You need to ask, does what they're offering now meet what I need now? Because love shouldn't require you to become a fortune teller. Hello, somebody. Sometimes healthy attention does feel weird. The person calls when they say they're gonna call, no game, they communicate, they don't disappear, they state their intentions up front. You don't even have to guess. They show up, they don't beg, and you're like, huh, this feels different. No spark. Maybe, but before you dismiss that person, ask yourself, is it boring or is it calm? Because if your attraction system has been trained by unpredictability, peace may not initially produce the same emotional high. That doesn't mean date people you're not attracted to. I damn sure ain't saying that. You have to be attracted to the person you're dating. Attraction matters, chemistry matters. But what I'm saying is don't mistake anxiety for passion, don't mistake inconsistency for mystery, don't mistake jealousy for devotion, don't mistake possessiveness for protection, and don't mistake chaos for chemistry. Don't mistake being emotionally activated for being deeply connected. So here's the part that is cruel. Sometimes you finally get the thing you've been chasing, and the wound remains. They finally commit, still insecure. They finally marry you, still insecure. They finally tell everybody you're together, still insecure. Why? Because somewhere deep down you thought their choice would settle your worth. But worth isn't settled by majority vote. Somebody can reject you while you're worthy, somebody can betray you while you're worthy, somebody can leave you while you're worthy, somebody can fail to recognize you while you're worthy, and somebody can choose you while you're still struggling to recognize your own worth. That's why the work has to come home. So this week, here's what I'm unlearning. I'm unlearning that love has to be earned through suffering. I don't have to prove I can tolerate more than the next person. I don't have to audition. I don't have to be endlessly understanding. I don't have to make myself indispensable. I don't have to convince somebody that I'm worth choosing. I don't have to stay long enough for them to finally appreciate me. I don't have to be better than the ex. I don't have to compete with another person. I don't have to win anybody. And I damn sure don't need somebody choosing me if keeping them requires me to keep choosing against myself. That's what I'm learning. All right. Here go your five prompts. That's it. But don't let only five fool you. These five can get in your business real deep. So, number one, think about the relationships or people you have chased the hardest. What did you believe their choosing you would prove about you? Not with not what did you want from them, but what would winning them have meant about you? That you're attractive, you're worthy, better than somebody else, lovable, special enough? Tell the truth. These prompts are for you. Number two, where in my life am I currently accepting attention when I actually want is intention? What are you accepting? Text instead of commitment, sex instead of intimacy, promises instead of action, potential instead of consistency, access instead of partnership? Name it. Be honest. Number three, what have I sacrificed, tolerated, ignored, or changed about myself in order to keep somebody from leaving? Your boundary, peace, money, time, values, friendships, sexual boundaries, your voice, your self-respect? What disdain connected to them cost you? Number four, if I already believed without needing anyone else to confirm it, that I am worthy of healthy love, what would I stop accepting immediately? That's your standard question, not what should they change, or what would you stop participating in? And number five, here's a big one. Do I actually want this person or do I want the validation of being chosen by them? And don't answer this one too fast. Take the face away, take the chemistry away, take the history away, take away the fantasy of who they could become if they act right. Look strictly at their character, compatibility with you, consistency, communication, emotional safety, reciprocity, shared values, and now answer again do you actually want them? All right. Let me give you something practical. The next time you find yourself obsessing over whether somebody wants you, flip the question. Stop asking, do they like me? And ask yourself, do I like them? Stop asking, will they choose me? And ask, would I choose them based on what I currently know? Stop asking, am I attractive enough for them? And ask, am I attracted to the way they live, communicate, love, and handle conflict? Huh? Stop asking, what can I do so they stay? And ask, do I feel good when they're here? Stop asking, how do I get them to commit? Please stop asking that. And start asking, have they shown the capacity for the kind of commitment I actually want? That shifts you out of audition mode. Because dating is not pick me. You are also selecting. And some of y'all forgot that you get a vote. So here's your new standard. Not do they want me, but how do they handle me once they have access to me? Because everybody behaves well during pursuit, because they show you their representative up front. I want to know what happens after access. Do they become inconsistent? Do they stop communicating? Do they respect boundaries? Do they disrespect boundaries? Do they make you feel guilty for having needs? Do they disappear whenever accountability shows up? Do they only show affection when they want something? Do they know how to repair after conflict? Do you feel emotionally safe telling them the truth? Can you disagree? Can you be fully yourself? Do they celebrate you without competing with you? Can they hear the word no without throwing an adult temper tantrum? Can they apologize without adding but? I'm sorry I said it that way, but you da-da-da-da. Hmm. Can they love you without controlling you? That's what matters. Because getting chosen is the beginning. But how somebody handles what they chose tells you far more. This is why I wrote my book, Quiet is kept, because it's so much bigger than simply telling stories about relationships. When I go back through my book now, I can see the beliefs under the events. Wanting to be liked, wanting to belong, not understanding love, learning about self-worth the hard way, questioning myself after rejection, looking outside myself for answers, and then later learning that I don't have to prove my worth to any damn body. In a later part of the book, I wrote specifically about letting go of the need for external validation, staying true to yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and recognizing that your work doesn't have to depend on somebody else's opinion because it don't. That's why I want you to read the book. And I want you to read it differently this season. Don't only ask what happened to Shanti. Ask, what did Shanti believe because it happened? Then ask the same question about yourself because events end, but beliefs keep living if you let them. And sometimes healing means finding beliefs that were created in one chapter but haven't been writing every chapter ever since. Get your copy of Quietest Kept, read it with your journal. There's an accompanying journal that you can purchase to go along with it. And when you see yourself, don't skip the page. That's probably the page that you need. And if this episode is stepping all over your toes, good. That's exactly the kind of work we do in coaching. Because knowing I have abandonment issues is awareness, but knowing I choose unavailable people is awareness. Knowing I'm a people pleaser is awareness. Beautiful. You know these things, but now what? Because I'm not interested in helping you become the world's most self-aware person who keeps doing the same shit over and over. At some point, the pattern has to change. We look at why do you keep choosing this? What belief keeps the pattern alive? What does this relationship give you emotionally? What are you afraid will happen if you choose differently? What boundary is missing? Where are you abandoning yourself? And what does a new response actually look like? And then we practice it because staying stuck can become comfortable when it's familiar. Y'all already know that. And you already know what I say. Staying stuck ain't cute. If you're ready to stop repeating patterns you already understand intellectually, but haven't been able to change consistently, go visit my website and learn more about coaching with me. Now here is your challenge for the week. Every time you catch yourself worrying, do they want me? You pause and ask three things. Do I want them? Do I like how I feel around them? Does their actual behavior meet my standards? That's it. Not their words, not their potential you see, not their chemistry, not that history, not what they did six months ago, not how they rocked you to sleep the other night, their current behavior. Because some of y'all are loyal to the first three months of a relationship that's been shitty for three years. Come into the present, sis. Who are they now? Who are you now? And what exists between you now? That's what we're evaluating. So I want to speak directly to the version of you who desperately wants somebody to choose you. Maybe you spent your whole life feeling second, second to a sibling, second to somebody's job, second to their addiction, second to another relationship, second to their family, second to everybody else's needs. Maybe you weren't picked. Maybe daddy didn't show up. Maybe mama couldn't give you what you needed. Maybe friends rejected you. Maybe somebody cheated. Maybe that spouse left you. Maybe somebody who promised forever changed their mind. I understand why chosen feels important. I do. But baby, listen to me. You cannot spend the rest of your life auditioning for a role you already deserve in your own life. You choose you first. Not in that BS, I don't need nobody, Wayne. You know I don't teach that. We need connection, we need relationships. Community matters, healthy love matters. Being loved well is so beautiful, but healthy love should add to your worth experience. It shouldn't create your worth. Because somebody create because if somebody creates your worth, then leaving can destroy it. No, your worth belongs to you. And choosing yourself doesn't mean nobody else's feelings matter because that ain't what it means. It means yours matters too. Choosing yourself doesn't mean never compromise, it means I don't disappear inside the compromise. Choosing yourself doesn't mean leave everybody who disappoints you, it means I stop calling chronic disrespect a rough patch. Choosing yourself doesn't mean I become selfish, it means I no longer have to betray myself, to prove that I love somebody else. And that's the balance. So write this down before we go. If being chosen requires you to keep abandoning yourself, you weren't chosen. You were recruited to participate in your own neglect. Yeah, that's the one. Again, if being chosen requires you to keep abandoning yourself, you weren't chosen. You were recruited to participate in your own neglect. All right, y'all. If this episode pissed you off a little bit, that's probably because I got all in your business. And you're welcome. Share it and don't just send it to your friend with a toxic relationship while convenient conveniently forgetting about your own shit. Listen to it again for you. Follow the Quietest Kept podcast wherever you're listening, and subscribe if you're watching on YouTube. Leave me a review, screenshot that episode and tag me. And when you do, tell me what's one thing you used to make, mistake for love that you no longer do. I want to hear your answers and make sure you get your copy of my book, Quiet is Kept. Season three is built around conversations that started inside that book. But we're going deeper here into the patterns, beliefs, lessons, and healing underneath what happened. And if I'm listening, if listening isn't enough anymore, if you keep finding yourself in the same relationships, choosing the same type of person, overgiving, over-explaining, ignoring boundaries, or trying to earn love, come coach with me. Because you can know better for years and still need support, learning how to do different. And it is okay to need support. It is okay to not be okay. You can find information about my book, my coaching, my speaking, and everything else I'm doing through my website. And before I leave, I need you to hear this. Being rejected does not make you rejectable. Being abandoned does not make you disposable. Somebody failing to see your value doesn't decrease your value. Somebody choosing somebody else doesn't make them better than you. Promise you that. A relationship ending doesn't mean you failed. And somebody wanting you is not the highest compliment you will ever receive. I promise you. Because there comes a point in healing where the question changes. You stop walking in the rooms thinking, oh, I hope they like me. And you start thinking, let me see if I like it here. You stop dating, thinking, I hope they choose me. And you start thinking, let me see whether this person belongs in the life I'm building. You stop begging, see my words, see my heart, see what I bring to the table. And then you start understanding the right people don't need a PowerPoint presentation on why they should value you. So maybe you didn't want love. Maybe you wanted to finally feel chosen, and that's okay. Now you know. But here's what I hope you understand after today's conversation. You don't need to keep chasing people to prove you're worth keeping. You do not have to win love, you don't have to earn basic respect, honey. You don't have to compete for somebody's capacity. You don't have to convince anyone to recognize what you finally learned to recognize in yourself. And quiet is kept. Sometimes the biggest rejection of your life isn't somebody else refusing to choose you. It's all the times you refuse to choose yourself just so they would. We're not doing it no more. I'm Sean T B and this is the Quiet is Kept Podcast. I'll see you next episode. Until then, stop asking why they didn't choose me and start asking why was I working so hard to be chosen by somebody I wasn't even sure I would choose? Baby, that's a whole different conversation, and that's where the healing starts.